Money Problems in a Marriage

Many people say money is considered one of the biggest issues affecting modern marriages… but the issue is generally about much more than money.
The real issues behind money problems can be very difficult to pinpoint. Attitudes to money vary from person to person; your own family upbringing will have made a big difference without you realising it.

Where one person in a marriage comes from a family that openly discusses money and the other comes from a more private, money is a taboo then their outlook can be very different.

Entering into any relationship means sharing responsibility, not just tasks but also financial responsibility for the running of your home.
It is usual for one partner to earn more than the other, particularly if there are children in the relationship. The reality is with babies and young children the wife is best placed to take a greater role looking after the kids while the husband earns the money. Even when the kids start school and the wife could work the practical issues around childcare can make a full time position difficult.

As a result power struggles can develop as the husband may feel the money should be under his control, and may not be fully open with his wife about how much he earns, savings, investments etc. This is likely to make the wife’s life very uncomfortable – as she feels reliant on her husband for her very survival (if he pays for the house and food/ Clothes etc then I am dependant on him)

Disagreeing over money is one of the biggest strains on a marriage. Money is power, and when you don’t have enough money or you don’t agree how to spend it, the tension can split you apart.

So what can be done to resolve this problem?
• Firstly it is important to talk about money; just being able to discuss your worries openly can make a huge difference.
• Then if you don’t already know then work out what your current situation is – i.e. how much money do you have coming in and what are your commitments (e.g. mortgage/ rent/ loans/ credit cards etc). Doing this is a worthwhile task as the not knowing is often far worse. Even when the picture is bleak it is a step in the right direction as you start to feel ‘in control’ of the situation.
• From the current financial situation work out if there are any areas where you can save money – where are you spending money and not getting good value?
• Even with the fixed payments it is possible to save – telephone providers or mortgages can be changed to a better deal. There are plenty of the comparison websites that can help.
• There may be areas of guilt and shame when ’secrets’ come out into the open – these are better off where they can be seen. That way if they need to be sorted out they can be.
• Men are a lot worse at asking for help that women. We are therefore more likely to be trying to fix the problem ourselves rather than looking for help.

Even when you don’t think your marriage has a money problem it is worth doing a financial statement. In our complex lives today it is easy to loose sight of the little things and we can be wasting money that could be used for better effect.

The sense of working together through this process will hopefully be a good one. Even though it may involve some pain if you can face this jointly then it will strengthen your marriage.